Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
