I swear she didn't look like that last week.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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