I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I forget how to act sober
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