i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
