Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
