mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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