I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
