Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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