When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you never un-have a 4some
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
