she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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