Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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