Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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