i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.