I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?