I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure