and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.