____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.