Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off