I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
where am i from again
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
