Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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