It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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