Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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