sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she looked like the before picture.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize