why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
