Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize