But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize