Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize