When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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