there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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