Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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