You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
