There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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