I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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