is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize