I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she peed on how many people?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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