$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize