Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she looked like the before picture.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
