i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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