I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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