Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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