I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish you could order shots online.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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