singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
