when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
