oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize