Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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