You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.