I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?