you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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