I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.