nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that