I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?