Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
40s are totally the cure
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.