these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.