I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!