If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
