So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
