yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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