someone get that fucking seahorse.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
