There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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