She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
