Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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