Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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